Today, I thought I might quote the beginning of a “Guns and Patriots” newsletter. It’s worth it.
“Hey Gunners,
The “Big Five Guns” article last week was huge! Thanks for all the comments. Long live the 30-06, 12 Gauge and .45. The choices are trending; three long guns, one shotgun and one handgun, if you were limited to five guns, that is. Of course five guns are more of a monthly acquisition rather than a limit, but thanks for joining the discussion and leaving your comments. I want to tally up the results and get them to you. Alex, our conservative intern from the University of California, Berkeley, will probably get that task.”
Hey, I believe in the 2nd amendment and I like Hunter S. Thompson as much as the next Journalism Junky/Groupie, but I think a five gun a month habit is bordering on pathological. I mean, how many of those can you shoot at once? Even if the Black Helicopters are surrounding your corrugated metal mountain shack to confiscate your Bible (or maybe your “hella” guns), you can only fire two, maybethree guns at once. A million firearms to one man does not an army make.
Tangentially, why is it that guys in Arkansas can own 150 different guns of ridiculous caliber, but anytime any popular musician gets caught with a dinky pistol, they go to jail on weapons charges (I’m looking at you David Crosby)?
Even more Tangentially, you ever notice how hippies and Libertarian gun-nuts have the exact same views about a world-wide conspiracy that actually controls everything? It’s just that hippies think it’s Conservative-Corporate-Christian-Nazis that are in charge and conservatives think it’s Liberal-Homosexual-Nazi-Jews. They even start talking about it in the same way, usually when you talk about voting. You know, in a casual fashion.
You: “Oh yeah, that reminds me, I need to register to vote since I moved last month.”
Lefty/Righty: “I don’t vote anymore man. I mean, come on, you don’t think THEY’LL let us change anything do you? THEY’VE got it all figured out man! Have you ever seen ________ book about the Kennedy Assassination/The Rothchilds!?”
Add more “mans” for a leftist and more Bible references for conservatives. Personally, I think the Black Helicopters are manned by Neo-conservative, oil-magnate, Jewish trust-fund lesbian, Mafia, Aliens who really want there to be a super-highway through tornado alley. It will make it easier for them to steel the gold, guns and bibles of those who live in trailer parks in, wait for it, tornado alley.
Finally, a little less of a tangent. I am willing to bet that Alex, the UCB intern is having a hard time getting laid. The college Republicans table on Sproul Plaza gets less traffic than the LaRouchies (who with their cult-like blathering, probably do alright in teh orgasm stakes). Don’t feel too guilty about those shower masturbation sessions where you chant Rush’s name buddy, you gotta do what you gotta do to get through. Go Bears.
Tangents over. Back to the Gun People.
“A governor’s office from a border state that intends to enforce immigration laws called last week to discuss Jenn Kendall’s article “Illegal Immigrants are Career Criminals,” and that is big news. It seems G & P has gotten the attention of our lawmakers. There are about 300,000 reading G & P and 21,000 of us on Facebook. No dues, no forms — just We the People — so pass it on to your friends and get on board this grassroots movement.”
I critiqued this “Career Criminals” article just the other day.
“Sunday night the fireworks were great, the beer was cold and the char on the burgers was just right. The parade had American flags flying, fire trucks and marching bands. Thanks, Founding Fathers for kicking some King George III arse all those years ago.
Never take your freedom for granted, or it will be taken from you.
Something tells me that if the Founding Father’s could watch this guy sucking down his girly Budweiser and suck down some greasy, hormone strewn beef product, that they would be appalled. There is something about the gun crowd that attracts and energizes the white trash qualities latent in Americans.
“Thanks, Founding Fathers for kicking some King George III arse all those years ago.” Really? I guess so.