What is it with conservatives and their childish addiction to vulgur patriotic displays? It’s not enough for these people, that you simply be, you have to scream and shout it to the world, non-stop. You have to wear flare. Anyone who doesn’t is a disgrace to America. Hell, some folks at Foxnews.com have their panties all in a bunch because Wonder Woman (that’s right, the comic book character with the invisible lasso), has a new costume that doesn’t include American flag short-shorts.

Conservatives! You’re supposed to be the family values people! You can’t tell me you would let your daughter out of the house looking like the country’s most patriotic kinderwhore. I would think you’d appreciate the modesty of the new look…

A comic book hero that doesn’t have a flag riding up their butt-crack is betraying America. Presidential Candidates that don’t wear a flag pin are foreign sleeper agents out to destroy America. People that like soccer are communists…Horseshit. This is like saying that any man who doesn’t walk around town with a massive erection poking through his pants (think Ron Burgundy in Anchor Man) is a disgrace to men everywhere and must certainly be impotent. Personally, I would find a society of constantly displayed boners to be a society filled with an unnecessary number of pricks.

And really, isn’t this omnipresent, self-congratulatory, theater of patriotism just a sophisticated phallic display? Jacked up trucks, American flag decals/flag g-strings (wet with sweat and suntan lotion), and a bunch of pricks drinking bland, girly beer: the unholy white trash trifecta that is the “real America.” God bless it.